Books Number 6 & 7

I finally finished books number 6 & 7!!!

Book number 6 was The Kitchen House. This book was recommended to me last year but I had a really hard time getting into it for some reason. Life got in the way and I ended up returning it to the library before I had even made it through the first chapter. It was recommended to me again a few weeks ago so I decided to give it another try. I was told that if I liked The Help, then I would LOVE the Kitchen House. After reading both books, I'm not so sure that's accurate. They are both about race relations, but that's where the similarities end in my opinion. The books are set in very different time periods, and while one was more lighthearted, the other was very heavy and pretty dark. 

I adored The Help!! I was sucked in from the very first page. I thought it was funny and poignant although not exactly accurate from an historical standpoint. For me, The Kitchen House felt dreary. There were some wonderful moments for sure, but for the most part, the book was about some very tough to deal with issues. And nothing ever really felt like it was going to get better for the main characters. I felt sad for them throughout the entire book. I really think this book is more accurate in it's portrayal of what went on between slaves and their owners than other books I have read in the past. It showed the not so bad (none of it's good, right?) and then also the monstrous side of a nasty nasty time in America. I was emotionally spent by the time I made it to the last page. I had to read really fast through some parts and even skim a few other parts. There are certain places that I just won't let my mind go. Even though it was a hard read, and I can't really say I enjoyed the book, I did LOVE the characters!!! Well, most of them anyway:) I loved who they were and their point of view. I am still thinking about them a week after I finished reading their story. I learned a lot from them. That's the sign of a great book for me!! I thought the words flowed nicely from the author and I came away thinking about who I am and where I'm going. Again, signs of a great book!!

Book number 7 was just okay. A Promise to Remember by Kathryn Cushman. It had been sitting on my nightstand for a crazy long time and I was getting worried that it was long past overdue. Which wouldn't be a first in this house!! Anyway, I picked it up and started reading with full intentions of finishing it in one day, which wasn't too hard because it was a sweet story. The story centered around 2 women whose sons were involved in a fatal car crash. One woman's son was responsible for the crash that took both boy's lives. One woman had a lot of money, the other didn't. They both needed to find God, forgiveness, anger and healing. Something about the book seemed kind of sort of familiar from the very start. About 150 pages in I realized that was because I had read the book before:) But I didn't remember the characters, plot or the ending. I just had glimpses of recall during certain scenes. That's why I rated the book as just okay. It wasn't a bad book. But, it obviously didn't leave a lasting impression on me. I think a lot of people would probably like the book. It might even be life changing for some. Just not me:)

Put Ups

My kids all get wonderful grades and I am super proud of them for working so hard towards those goals. It's important to do and be your very best. I feel like the effort they put towards learning and school work has the potential to give them a better life later down the road. And what parent doesn't want that for their kids? But, it's not the number one thing we emphasize in our home. 


Maia and Asher's guidance counselor is awesome. All the kids adore her and I think all the parents do too. She emphasizes "put ups" instead of put downs. Clever right? I thought so:) She went into Maia's classroom last week and asked the students to write down a "put up" for each classmate. Here's what some of Maia's classmates wrote about her:


Lane: You are always friendly in school.


Ella: You're always a good sport and are really great at sports.


Sam: You are not afraid to be yourself.


Molly: You're very nice.


Sariah: You are a natural born leader and are great at cartwheels.


Gabby: You are such a good friend and so funny!!


Juliana: You are a good friend. You don't get mad easily.


Joseph: You always start good chains and give put ups.


John: You love to laugh when I tell jokes.


Allison: You are just so good at making friends. You love to share and are good at raising your hand.


Liddie: You always make me smile and are very kind!


Ian: You are very confidant and a good sportsman.


Khasim: You have very good compliments. 


Beckham: You are funny and you don't get angry


Isabel: I love how good of a funny friend you are. I have so many put ups for you I can't fit them all on the paper. 


Seth: You are a really nice person. You almost never tell put downs. 


Rayyan: You are a good writer. 


Maddy: You start good chains and you are a great at giving book recommendations!


James: You always give put ups and never give put downs. 


Kurt: You're so nice and not selfish.


Michael: You are never mean or selfish


Miss H. (Guidance Counselor): You always want to do the right thing and I am so glad you came here. I think you are honest and kind. 


Okay, so I lied:) I couldn't pick just a few to share so I shared what everyone in the class wrote about my sweet girl!!While I am proud of her grades, THIS is what I am most proud of. The awesome person that she is. Her desire to be Christlike:) That's what we emphasize in our home and I am so glad to know that she puts those teachings to practice even when she isn't with us. I am so thrilled that she is a blessing to her classmates and her teachers!! It does my heart good!!


Just a little side note-- Good chains would be like pay it forwards:)

Busy, Busy and more Busy!!

Title says it all. Things have just been really busy around here. Sometimes I feel like we go go go nonstop. We have friends that are even more busy than we are. I don't know how they do it. 


So I went to that ladies retreat that I talked about in my last post. Sort of. I went to the first evening of it anyway. It was nice and I am glad I went. I don't consider it a waste of money even though I didn't stay for the whole thing.  I didn't make any new friends as I don't even think that's possible to do in just a few short hours. But, I did have some great fellowship and lots of fun playing games. I probably would have gotten more out of the retreat if I had stayed, but I just couldn't bring myself to sleep in a full size bed with a stranger. I have personal space issues:).


Asher's Pinewood Derby went ok. He came in 3rd for a few of the races speed wise. I guess there was a mishap on the way to the derby that caused the derby car to go sailing through the air and hit our real car's dashboard. Hard. This messed up the balance of the derby car's wheels--which just so happens to be a critical factor for the speed of the car. Maybe next year:) Asher wasn't too upset because daddy bought him an overload of baked goods to make up for his disappointment. Baked goods always makes things better:)


Maia's basketball season is going very well. They have won 3 games and lost 2. I LOVE Upward sports:) 


This past week we have also been pushing...um I mean selling the Girl Scout cookies :). I was also in charge of Maia's Girl Scout troop earning their Simple Meals badge. That was fun!! 10 girls in my kitchen learning to cook!! Talk about chaos. It went really well though!! We made yogurt parfaits, cinnamon french toast with blueberry sauce, individual pizzas and cake in a cup. Everything turned out pretty yummy. Except maybe the pizzas. I ended up throwing away about half of the pizzas:(


I FINALLY put curtains up:) I don't love them though. SSShhhh, don't tell Andy, I am currently looking for new, new curtains:) I just want something with some more color than what we've got up now. I think I'm gonna make a trip to World Market this week to see what they have. 


Time Warner came to our door last week and offered us a pretty sweet deal for switching our cable and internet over to them. We were thrilled because we have missed Time Warner's services ever since we switched providers  to AT&T last year at this time. We ended up hating AT&T and switched to WOW when we moved into our new home. WOW was okay but I am super thrilled to have Time Warner again. They came over on Thursday and got us all set up with our new services:)


Today Asher is at a birthday party for his little friend Elizabeth. Asher really really really likes Elizabeth. He blushes when he talks about her:) That kid is gonna be trouble when it comes to the ladies:) I was helping in the classroom a few months ago and a group of students told me how much my little guy likes Miss Elizabeth. Sigh...Trouble with a capital T. 


I finished my 4th and 5th books for the year. 


My 4th book was called Christmas in Sugarcreek. Yes, I know Christmas is done and over:) I  just couldn't help myself from picking this book up at the library though because...HELLO...it's about Sugarcreek:) I wasn't really all that impressed with the book. It certainly could have been worse but character development was seriously lacking. I guess there is a whole series about Sugarcreek and this book was just a spin off of it. It was fun knowing the exact locations that the author wove into the story. But other than that? Not a very exciting read. 


My 5th book was called Delivered With Love. This book was awful. I had to really push myself through the whole thing. I should have given up but the story itself was interesting and had real potential. The writing itself was really awful though!! 


We are gearing up for the Superbowl tonight. None of us could care less about football, but we all like a party so why not right?!?!?! I am headed out to get snacks:)

Just Wondering

Right now--


I am making the sauce and filling for tonight's lasagna dinner. It smells delicious!! 


I am wondering why I ALWAYS burn my sausage and WHY does my tomato sauce always bubble so much it spits at me? Perplexing I tell ya. 


I am listening to  The River. 


I like The River, but I am sort of wondering why they always play the same songs over and over? Don't get me wrong...I like most of the songs, but some variety might be nice. 


I am waiting for my dryer to finish so I can match socks. Blah...not my favorite chore. 


I am wondering why my dog likes to eat our socks so much?  I have to buy new socks once a month because she rips them to shreds on a daily basis. I have NO IDEA how she gets to them either. They are in the laundry room behind a closed door. 


I am staring at Asher's half finished, badly mangled Pinewood derby car. It's really pathetic:( 


It's left me wondering why we always seem to wait for the last minute? Pinewood derby is this Saturday. Which leads me to wonder how Asher's special share presentation is going at school today. Again, something we did at the last minute. Poor kid. It must stink being the youngest:)


I am staring at the cluttered main level of our home. 


I am wondering why, with so many kid dedicated spaces in our house, my kids insist on playing on the main level? They have a family room, bedrooms and a large, fancy playroom, but they choose to leave all their stuff laying around MY space:) Crazy kids!!


I am reading a text from my friend Julie. 


I am wondering if I should go to a women's retreat with her this weekend? I should probably go. The topic is relevant to my life right now. But, if I go it will mean missing Maia's basketball game and Asher's Pinewood Derby. I never miss the kids events. Plus, it will mean leaving Andy to do it all on his own. Hardly seems fair. But, I could potentially make some new friends. Hmm...what to do...what to do?


In case you were wondering, here's my lasagna recipe:) It's a tried and true winner!! Taken from the book Mad Hungry-- Feeding Men and Boys by Lucinda Scala Quinn. I picked this cookbook up from the library a few years ago and instantly fell in love! Andy fell in love too, with all the yummy food I was making. The next Christmas the cookbook showed up under our tree. I asked him if it was my gift or a gift he bought for himself?


1 pd lasagna noodles or packaged precooked noodles
Coarse salt. 
5 links sweet Italian sausage, or a mixture of hot and sweet, pierced with a fork. (I use bulk Italian sausage--like Bob Evans brand)
1 large egg
1pd ricotta cheese
3/4 cup freshly grated pecorino romano or parmesan cheese, plus more for serving.
5 cups, basic italian tomato sauce--I use the accompanying recipe from the same book
1 pd fresh or prepackaged mozzarella cheese. Cut crosswise into 3/4 inch thick slices
extra virgin olive oil,  for drizzling


1) Bring a large pot of water to a boil over high heat. Add the noodles and a generous pinch of salt and cook for half as long as the package suggests. Drain and float in cold water. Skip this step if noodles are precooked:)


2) Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a medium skillet over medium-high heat, fry the sausage links until cooked through, about 10 minutes. (I just crumble my bulk sausage and skip the next steps). With kitchen scissors, cut the sausage into disks into the pan and continue to fry over low heat until the cut surfaces are crispy, about 20 minutes. Drain off the fat. 


3) In a medium bowl stir together egg, ricotta and 1/2 cup of the pecorino. 


4) To assemble the lasagna, Spread 1 cup of the tomato sauce in the bottom of a greased 9x13 inch baking dish. Drain and pat dry the noodles. Overlap 1/3 of the noodles atop the sauce to cover the bottom of the pan. Spread all the cooked sausage over the noodles and spoon over another cup of sauce. Lay down the second third of noodles. Evenly dollop all of the ricotta mixture on to the noodles and flatten with a spoon to make an even layer. Top with the remaining noodles to completely cover the cheese. Pour over 1&1/2-2 cups sauce to completely cover. Evenly layer all the mozzarella slices on top. Sprinkle around the remaining 1/4 cup pecorino and drizzle with olive oil. 


5) Bake uncovered (I keep mine covered because my peeps don't like crispy noodles) for 40 minutes or until the lasagna is bubbling all over and lightly golden on top. Let rest for 10-15 minutes before slicing. Serve with grated cheese and warm extra sauce. 


It's delicious!! Trust me:)

3 Down...49 To Go :)

I finished my 3rd book in record time!! It was so hard to put down. One of those books where you will stay up all night long reading just to find out what happens next. The book is called "Dani's Story" a journey from neglect to love, written by Bernie and Diane Lierow and Kay West.


This was a really really beautiful story!! I guess this case made national headlines and even earned the family a guest spot on Oprah. I must have been living under a rock when all this happened because I don't remember it at all. Of course I don't watch Oprah so that may explain it:) Andy saw the book at the library and thought I might enjoy it so he went ahead and brought it home. He must know me pretty well because it definitely is a book I would have picked for myself. It's basically about a family that decided to adopt and a little girl that was neglected so horribly that my brain, and more so my heart I guess, just can't comprehend it. Against all odds, and advice from the professionals, their worlds collided and came out the other side a family. They took the little girl that was un-adoptable, that no one wanted, loved her and made her their very own daughter.Everyone won at the end of this book. 


Isn't this exactly what Jesus does for us? Takes us in even though we are broken. Accepts us as His own despite our imperfect states? That right there is the definition of love. 


I was left with a sick feeling towards the CPS workers that LEFT Dani in unimaginable conditions not just once...but twice:(  If Dani had been removed from her home the 1st time CPS was made aware of her, then maybe she wouldn't suffer with profound special needs  today. Maybe her life would have been better. But at the same time...maybe if that were the case, then the Lierow's never would've found her? 


I also learned a bit about the way our brains work and just how critically important it is that we engage babies and young children. Some of this I already knew, synapses and all that, but Dani's story showed me exactly what happens when a child doesn't get to flourish in a loving environment. 


I was left wondering how Dani is faring today and hoping for some sort of update from her family. I doubt that will be coming anytime soon though as her family seems somewhat private. 


My kids are all back in school today after a 5 day break. It was a rough morning:) Everyone got where they were supposed to be though so I'm counting it as a success. Maia has basketball practice tonight so it'll be an evening of running around. After that I predict an early bed time for all of us:)   

Morbid...read at your own risk!

So it wasn't *just* the book that threw me into a tailspin last week. I went and picked up Shiloh's ashes. Talk about heartbreaking!! It was supposed to be cute husband's job but he has just been so busy with work that the job fell to me. The reason that I didn't want to do it is because I knew I would break down into a crying mess right in the middle of the vet's office. Who wants to embarrass themselves that way? Not me!! But I did it anyway, embarrassed myself that is. Yep, I ended up crying buckets in front of the office staff and a handful of customers. It was ridiculous. I can't actually say I was embarrassed though. Everyone there was very kind and understanding.


So I brought Shiloh, or rather the ugly tin can full of dust that *used* to be Shiloh, home. I was sort of perplexed wondering what I was supposed to do with this tin now that I had it home. I set it on the buffet hoping to forget about it. Only, I couldn't forget about it, because IT is sitting smack dab in center of the hub of our home. Eventually it will make it's way to a back shelf in the closet. And even further down the road (hopefully not too much further) we will buy our forever home and bury the ugly tin in a pretty spot in the yard. But for now, I'm not quite ready to hide the tin away. I am learning that I like to dwell on things:) Sometimes dwelling on things can help me work through them. Working through things is hard work. Lots of times my mind goes to really bad, really ugly places before it can heal. That's where I'm at now. I don't know why I am this way but I just have always been. So there sits the tin.


What exactly am I dwelling over you may wonder? Well, a couple of weeks ago my dog was here. She was eating, breathing and taking up space in our home. Now, she is only taking up space in our hearts. She has been reduced to a pile of dust. Just that quick. Which of course leads me back to my grandma. Always back to my grandma lately.


Shiloh's quality of life over the past year has just been awful. She was in pain. A lot of pain. Her back legs were making it harder and harder for her walk. She fell down the steps frequently. She had patches of missing hair where she had scratched it all off. She always did this in the Spring and Fall but it just wasn't growing back this time. We think she was going blind. She slept most of the time. It really WAS time for her to go. For her own good. I know she is happier now, even if I'm not. She's at peace and in a better place. But that doesn't stop me from missing her. It doesn't stop me from longing to pet her soft fur and watch her sleep in her favorite spot, all curled up in the sunshine.


I feel the same, and so much more,  about my grandma. I physically hurt with the missing of her. Her last year was awful though. She had been in constant back pain for almost 2 years. She was repeatedly falling out of bed and having seizures. Her already cranky self was getting even more cranky. But then at same time she was getting sweeter. Not sure how that can even be possible but it's true. She was diagnosed with alzheimers. Thankfully she never got to the point where she forgot the people who loved her most, but she DID forget how to dress herself. My aunt walked in on her getting dressed one day and grandma was very perplexed, wondering why her shirt suddenly didn't fit right. Well it didn't fit right because it wasn't a shirt, but pants, that she was trying to put over her head. Sometimes she seemed fine, but most of the time  it was more than obvious that her lapses in memory were really increasing. At times she pouted like a little girl. Then she was diagnosed with the dreaded cancer. Terminal is a word that no one wants to hear. We were all devastated. My aunt pointed out that it was  good that grandma wouldn't have to go through  the terrible descent that is alzheimers. I know she's right. Wouldn't we all rather die quickly while we still have some wits about us rather than in a long, drawn out, completely undignified way? I know my grandma was spared her worst nightmare. So she's in Heaven now, with the Lord and many of her loved ones that passed on long before she did. I know she's happy. I know she wouldn't come back here, to Earth, if given a chance.


Which leads me to one of the things that has really been bothering me lately. My grandma's spirit left her earthly body as soon as she breathed her last breath. So did Shiloh's. They are completely removed from what was once their bodies. So why am I so concerned about those bodies?  I can't seem to quit dwelling on them. Bodies that, in reality, are completely useless now. Everytime I think of Shiloh as a pile of dust I get teary. I mean, I LET someone throw my sweet girl into a fiery furnace. And my grandma? Walking away from her casket, suspended above a hole in the ground, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I find myself wondering if that body is cold. Is it comfortable? We took great care making sure her hair was perfect and her suit was beautiful. We made sure she was wearing her favorite shade of lipstick and nail polish along with her favorite bracelet. I sent Shiloh off to the incinerator wrapped up in a favorite blanket. I left many many photos of my little family in my grandma's casket. Why did I feel compelled to do that? It's not like she is lying there looking through photo albums for crying out loud. It's not like she is reading the promises that I wrote on the back and holding me to them. Although I will be keeping those promises:) Why can't I, and so many others that have lost loved ones, let go of these empty, soulless bodies?


I think I have figured out why I can't let go just yet. Those bodies served a very important purpose here on Earth. Not only to those who lived within them, but to their loved ones as well.   Shiloh's body, her coat most especially, served as a tool of comfort for all of us in this house. She knew just when we needed her and she would show up to be petted. Is petted a word? Anyway, she had the softest fur!!! Just the act of stroking that fur brought me to a place of peace and quiet. She would put her head in my lap and tilt it at just the perfect angle to let me know she was listening to me. And my grandma? Her arms held me when I was afraid. They encircled me at night as I was falling asleep. Her hands lovingly brushed my hair and cooked meals to nourish me. They taught me to sew. Her ears listened to me and her mouth gave me advice. Sometimes it was bad advice!! But lots of other times the advice was good:) She was such a character!! Full of a zest and zeal for life like no one else I have ever known. She had the very best laugh and we all heard it often. She had no problem laughing at herself. All with her perfectly, peachy lipsticked mouth! No wonder it's hard for me to let go of their earthly bodies!!! Those bodies did very important things!! Even though Shiloh and my grandma don't need their bodies anymore? I still kind of need them. Most especially my grandma's. I need to hear her tell me she has faith in me and that I'm doing a good job with life. I need a hug from her!! I need her reassurance and her wisdom. I would give almost anything for one more game of Upwords and a bowl of her homemade rice pudding. So there it is...she may not need her earthly body anymore...but I DO still need it....very much...


Which brings me to what I am grateful for today. Isaac is 12&1/2 years old but yet he still hugs me all the time:) He doesn't really cuddle up on the couch with me anymore or let me read books to him or hold my hand through a parking lot...oh how I miss all of those things!!  But he DOES seek me out several times a day to give me enormously huge squeezy hugs!! Sometimes I think he does it just to get on my nerves because he picks the times that I MOST busy. When I am smack dab in the middle of something important like making supper:) I teasingly tell him to shoo and act like it's a big old inconvenience to me, but instead of letting  me go, he just squeezes harder. And I LOVE every. single. second of it!!!!!

2 Down...50 To Go...

I'm a little late in posting this. I'll tell you why in a few minutes. I finished my 2nd book of the year, Next To Love.  I was drawn to it because it had to do with the WWII homefront. I always seem to be drawn to books about WWII so this was a natural selection for me. It wasn't the best book I've ever read. Parts of it were choppy and I think there were just too many narrators at some points. I still really enjoyed the book overall though. It had good character development. It gave me a point of view of the war that I had not previously explored. I learned some new things and that's always, well, almost always, a good thing. Not only did it cover loss and all of the emotions that go with that, it also covered PTSD. Before it had a name of course, because back then we just told people to suck it up and get over it. The book followed the main and supporting characters  not only through the war years, but also through the following years where they had to learn a new normal. It really delved into the negative effects of the war on individuals and also on communities. It was a glimpse into America through a 35 year time span.


So I think what really kept me interested was thinking about my grandma, and what her life was like through those years. I could picture her among the 3 main characters of this book. My grandma never talked about the past. She was very much a look to the future kind of woman. When we were going through her many many pictures we found one of an unknown woman, labeled "my sister". Was this woman really her sister? We have no idea, because she simply didn't share much.   Maybe it was just a good friend? The point is, is that even my grandmother's children, and her own brother, couldn't say for certain that there wasn't a mystery sister out there somewhere. Now we'll never know. I don't want to leave my grandchildren wondering about who I was someday. Maybe that's why I tend to overshare sometimes:)


So anyway, this book really took me back to what could have been my grandmother's younger days and opened up a whole new realm of questions that I wish I could ask her. And that threw me into a tailspin. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a tough week for me. I am questioning so many things right now. It seems like this grief process is one step forward...two steps back. 


So when I don't show up on Facebook, this blog or Pinterest for days at a time? It probably means I am struggling with grief. And lots of times with life in general. In honor of my grandma though, the woman who thought the past was the past and it was best to leave it there, the woman who always looked to the present and the future, I am going to start looking for one thing a day that I am grateful for. Not the big things, the things that of course I'm grateful for and so is everyone else in the World. But the little things, the things I may have to search through the mundane for.