Good Bye 2011!!

It's no secret that 2011 has been a rough year for me.

I lost my grandma to cancer in a very cruel, abrupt way. That woman was like a mother to me and I miss her every. single. day!! Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could call her just to hear her voice. Get her advice. Heck, I would even like to hear her yell at me again:) It was a crushing blow to lose her. In fact, it's the reason that I abandoned my poor blog for so long. It was just too painful to write and share my memories of her.

I also lost my bff this year. In a very very upsetting way:( It was abrupt and completely unexpected. Certain things just can't be "un"done though and this ending was a prime example of that. I found a quote on Pinterest not long after the dissolving of the friendship " At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life". So totally fitting in my life right now in this particular circumstance.

Our church home situation is abysmal at best. We thought we'd found a church home but we're really not feeling it there. Not to mention our small group completely disappeared somewhere along the way. I'm not sure if they've disbanded altogether or if they just ousted only us, but at the end of the day they don't return e-mails and have seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. I can't get return e-mails from the pastor either. Isaac was supposed to be baptized last year but somehow the ball keeps getting dropped at the administration level. I can't figure out why, after over 3 years, God hasn't placed us in a church where we can grow and thrive? Develop Godly relationships and support systems? I know He's trying to teach us something but we really NEED a church home. He just seems so silent lately.

There have been lots of other disappointments and losses along the way. Many many struggles this year in many different areas of my life. So yeah...I'm ready to kick 2011 to the curb!!

I'll keep all the awesome and forget the rest. Some of the awesome moments were learning that my kids are spectacular!! Of course I've always known this but this particular year it was just completely confirmed. They all 3 transitioned to new schools almost effortlessly. They have all 3 made new friends.  Their grades are all wonderful. Asher has worked very hard and has successfully learned to say the "R" sound. Talk about an accomplishment!! He has gained so much confidence in himself. Isaac refused to leave my grandma's bedside as she lay dying. He sat right next to her and held her hand for hours. Maia comforted me in a way no one else could in the hours after my grandma's death. And Asher was just so amazing through the whole thing. He seemed to realize and was able to verbalize better than the other 2 his feelings about our enormous loss. He is the one that still openly talks about grandma and his love for her. Isaac makes me laugh like no one else!! Maia is such a caretaker. A natural nurturer! And Asher is still a cuddlebug. He's a little Cassanova in the making I think. I have the stories to prove it. He is growing and learning by leaps and bounds.

Andy has remained fabulous throughout this past year, even through trials and many tribulations. He gets up and goes to work each and every day even through really difficult circumstances. I know it kills him but he takes his job to support us seriously so he sucks it up. Even though he is exhausted at the end of his work day, he still manages to come home to us in a good mood. He is such a kind, loving husband and a phenomenal father.

We have each other and we have good health. We have a roof over our heads and food on the table. Most importantly we have a God who loves us. He loves us through the good times and the bad times. Even whe He seems silent to me I know He is still there. Loving me and taking care of me.

So good riddance 2011!! You can take all of the unhappiness, the hurt and the pain that you brought with you.  I certainly don't want any of it anymore!! I'll just take the good with me and leave the bad with you. How's that for a deal? I'm ready to stroll into 2012 with a new heart attitude. Here's to a fresh new start World!!